What I Read When I’m Not Reading Books

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Today’s Top Ten Tuesday Topic:
What I Read When I’m Not Reading Books

1.  Facebook:  I admit it, this is where I am the most…even if it’s running in the background while I’m doing other things.  It’s an addiction.

2.  Drudge Report:  I’m a news junkie, and I have a collection of sites that I read regularly, but Drudge is almost always my first stop.

3.  Word Press:  I love how WP’s Dashboard page is set up.  The reader is very easy to navigate, and Freshly Pressed is a really cool feature to see great new posts.  Because I follow more WP blogs than any others, this is a frequent stop for me.

4.  Fox News:  No question, it’s the news junkie in me.

5.  Breitbart:  Yep, another news site that is a daily stop for me.

6.  Twitter:  I’m become more and more enamored with Twitter the more often I go there.  It’s hilarious!  Bonus:  since I post my blog entries to Twitter, I’ve gotten a lot of new followers, and several of my posts have been re-tweated.  One (apparently) was re-tweated enough that I’m still getting enough hits on it that it is by far the most read blog entry that I’ve written so far.  Here’s the link if you’d like to read it (and I’d be honored if you did):  http://thespotts.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/april-4-d-dude-your-dumbassery-is-showing/.

7.  Hot Mess Mom:  This is a hilarious blog written by a girl with whom I attended high school.  I didn’t know her personally, as she was a couple of years behind me, but we have a number of mutual friends.  This is an almost guaranteed laugh every time I read it, which is why it is one of my favorites.

8.  Paltry Meanderings of a Taller Than Average Woman:  This is a hilarious blog written by Christy Carrington Lewis.  She is a self-confessed blatherer about people and things that interest her.  Stop by and enjoy her wit and sarcasm.  It’s definitely worth your time.  Here is a link to my very favorite post…so far:  http://paltrymeanderings.com/2012/02/24/i-love-the-smell-of-napalm-in-the-condo/.

9.  I Can’t Watch, Is It Over Yet?  Like People of Walmart, Awkward Family Photos, Damn You Autocorrect, and Why Did You Buy Me That?, this blog is funny, and it gets funnier the more you read.  You almost can’t look away, and I have had many moments of tear-inducing laughter for which this blog is responsible.

10.  People I Want to Punch in the Throat:  I’ve been following her since her hilarious Elf on the Shelf post, which went viral over Christmas.  She is now a contributing writer for Babble.com, and her blog is also published on Huffington Post.  Don’t forget to read the comments as well…they’re nearly as funny as the post.

11.  Life is Grace:  One of the several blogs I follow that chew on what it is to be a Christian, to have faith, and to be saved by the grace of God.  She doesn’t post as often as I would like to read, but I always enjoy her thoughts.

12.  Dictionary.com:  I write almost daily, and I am constantly referencing this site, not only for definitions, but for synonyms, other related words, and background linguistic information.  Of the free dictionaries available online, it is the easiest to use, and I love it.

Well, there’s the list, plus a couple of bonus sites.  I encourage you to check them out!  And, if you have a recommendation to send my way, I’d love to have it!

Charles Lamb – A Dissertation upon Roast Pig

A DISSERTATION UPON ROAST PIG

MANKIND, says a Chinese manuscript, which my friend M. was obliging enough to read and explain to me, for the first seventy thousand ages ate their meat raw, clawing or biting it from the living animal, just as they do in Abyssinia to this day. This period is not obscurely hinted at by their great Confucius in the second chapter of his Mundane Mutations, where he designates a kind of golden age by the term Cho-fang, literally the Cooks’ holiday. The manuscript goes on to say, that the art of roasting, or rather broiling (which I take to be the elder brother) was accidentally discovered in the manner following. The swine-herd, Ho-ti, having gone out into the woods one morning, as his manner was, to collect mast for his hogs, left his cottage in the care of his eldest son Bo-bo, a great lubberly boy, who being fond of playing with fire, as younkers of his age commonly are, let some sparks escape into a bundle of straw, which kindling quickly, spread the conflagration over every part of their poor mansion, till it was reduced to ashes. Together with the cottage (a sorry antediluvian make-shift of a building, you may think it), what was of much more importance, a fine litter of new-farrowed pigs, no less than nine in number, perished. China pigs have been esteemed a luxury all over the east from the remotest perioperiods that we read of. Bo-bo was in the utmost consternation, as you may think, not so much for the sake of the tenement, which his father and he could easily build up again with a few dry branches, and the labour of an hour or two, at any time, as for the loss of the pigs. While he was thinking what he should say to his father, and wringing his hands over the smoking remnants of one of those untimely sufferers, an odour assailed his nostrils, unlike any scent which he had before experienced. What could it proceed from ? — not from the burnt cottage — he had smelt that smell before — indeed this was by no means the first accident of the kind which had occurred through the negligence of this unlucky young fire-brand. Much less did it resemble that of any known herb, weed, or flower. A premonitory moistening at the same time overflowed his nether lip. He knew not what to think. He next stooped down to feel the pig, if there were any signs of life in it. He burnt his fingers, and to cool them he applied them in his booby fashion to his mouth. Some of the crums of the scorched skin had come away with his fingers, and for the first time in his life (in the world’s life indeed, for before him no man had known it) he tasted — crackling! Again he felt and fumbled at the pig. It did not burn him so much now, still he licked his fingers from a sort of habit. The truth at length broke into his slow understanding, that it was the pig that smelt so, and the pig that tasted so delicious; and, surrendering himself up to the new-born pleasure, he fell to tearing up whole handfuls of the scorched skin with the flesh next it, and was cramming it down his throat in his beastly fashion, when his sire entered amid the smoking rafters, armed with retributory cudgel, and finding how affairs stood, began to rain blows upon the young rogue’s shoulders, as thick as hail-stones, which Bo-bo heeded not any more than if they had been flies. The tickling pleasure, which he experienced in his lower regions, had rendered him quite callous to any inconveniences he might feel in those remote quarters. His father might lay on but he could not beat him from his pig, till he had fairly made an end of it, when, becoming a little more sensible of his situation, something like the following dialogue ensued.

Continue reading…Charles Lamb – A Dissertation upon Roast Pig.

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Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”

A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country,
and for making them beneficial to the publick (1729)

Jonathan Swift

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country, to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound and useful members of the common-wealth, would deserve would deserve so well of the publick, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

continue reading…Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”.

Source of text: Project Gutenberg.